


the great (queer) emo bake off (this fucking needs a better name)

by threecheersfortheblackparade



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The Great British Bake Off RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Danger Days Era Mikey, Gen, Inspired by The Great British Bake Off, M/M, Panic Attacks, Well one, altho its not really a big deal except for in the first and 6th chapter, basement era gerard, because theres only one member and i dont wanna fill up the tags, berts a greasy emo he they, but hes cool, by which i mean shes lowkey amazing, frank is a lesbian, frank is bean, gabe is lowkey horny, gerard has anxiety, gerard is a goth chick, gerard uses he they, get ray a drink, hayley williams of paramore is like There, i have actually tried to make g and mikeys first cake, i keep projecting onto g and no ones stopping me, i like it tho, im not tagging msi the used or cobra starship, its just basically a load of self indulgent crap, its wasnt awful, lynz is gASP, mikey is abba if abba was emo, mikey is the best brother ever, modern era frank, or maybe revenge era idk yet, revenge era ray, semi crack, the misfits one, therapy is ex[ensive but fanfics free, tw at begining of chapters, uhh g is like Working Through Stuff because as i said, uhhh obvious tw for food, um yeah feel free to hmu on tumblr lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:47:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26137609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threecheersfortheblackparade/pseuds/threecheersfortheblackparade
Summary: "Okay three two one and go!""Hi, im gerard-""And i'm mikey-""And were the venom siblings!""And cut!"CURRENTLY BEING RE WRITTEN
Relationships: Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz, its not a big thing tho
Comments: 8
Kudos: 9





	1. The Introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for a sort of panic attack in the chapter because im lowkey projecting lol  
> btw gerard uses he/they

"Okay three two one and go!"

_"Hi, im gerard-"_

_"And i'm mikey-"_

_"And were the venom siblings!"_

"And cut!"

* * *

They grabbed their brothers hand, lacing their fingers together, although out of habit or out of a need to ground themself, he didn't know. 

"Mikey, mikey, mikey look at the tent!! it's THE tent!! the bake off tent!!!"

Mikey smiled fondly. "Yeah dude. Can you believe we've made it this far? It's the bake off tent. The fucking bake off tent!"

It was nothing like the tv version, that was for sure. For one, it was fucking massive. It was also much less secure than they had been led to believe, creaking and swaying in the wind. Evidently, the others were thinking the same thing.

"Are you sure it's safe?" 

The person asking was a tall guy- gerard struggled to remember his name, it was something incredibly middle class (stuart? no that wasn't it. oh yeah. _dallon_.).

"Yeah man it's good."

* * *

They filed in, all eight of them, and were guided to four comfortable looking sofas arranged in a semicircle. 

In front of them were the famous Mel and Sue, who were grinning.

"Hi guys! so as you will know im mel, this is sue, and were the presenters, so if you need anything, feel free to ask. we've got you here so you can get to know each other a bit- we find its a much more enjoyable experience when you know everyone!"

The dark haired lady, sue, added, "we will be next door getting to know the new judges, but feel free to talk to us as well! "

* * *

"Um. Shall we go first? I'm Patrick, this is pete and uhh first up were very married and very gay so if anyone has a problem with that....."

"They can fight me?"

Patrick looked slightly alarmed at that. "I was going to say they could leave but.... I mean... I guess??? Thanks honey???"

"Dude. " Another guy- ryan, maybe?- gestured to the group. "Look at us, look at how we're all dressed, and tell me there's a cishet person here."

Tall Middle Class Dude, whatever his name was, nodded in agreement. 

There was a peaceful, contemplative silence until-

"hey bro do you think i could be a sugar baby?"

Ryan choked on his water. The guy continued pouting to an invisible audience, apparently unaware of Ryan's dilemma.

A guy with amazing hair sighed. "Im ray and this-" he gestured to the person next to him, who was now humming abba's money money money- "is gabe."

"And no, gabe, honey, you can't be a sugar baby because we're on bake off AND NO GABE YOU CAN'T WEAR THE SLUTTY BAKERS DRESS AGAIN THIS IS THE BBC"

The other six stared at them, mouths agape.  
Patrick looked traumatised.

"Uhh. what about you, dudes?" asked Dallon, in an attempt to break the silence.

"Oh hey guys. I'm Mikey and this is my older sibling gerard."

Mikey nudged his sibling 

"Gee? "

_Oh. Oh shit. Talking to people. Talking to people who would obviously hate him. Talking to people who would take one look at their eyeliner, at their Dalek t-shirt and their homemade bracelets, and not hesitate to beat the shit out of him. People who would find out he was on the same team as his younger, prettier, more talented brother and talk about it and laugh and oh god they would laugh. Not to mention the fact he used he/they. Oh god oh fuck shit shit shit shit shit._

* * *

"DUDE. DUDE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU OKAY????"

 _That was pete. How_ kind, _pretending to care. He should just get it over with and punch gerard._

* * *

Suddenly they felt mikeys hand on their shoulder, acting like a grounding presence.

"It's okay. It's okay. Just copy me. "

Slowly and shakily, they mimicked their brothers exaggerated breaths, attempting to avoid looking at the six concerned faces peering at them. 

Oh and joy of joys they'd been crying as well. What a fucking great first impression. 

Gerard had once again come to the conclusion that anxiety was indeed a _fucking bitch._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp you made it pls tell me what you think, comments and kudos are always apreciated!


	2. The Introduction- Day Two

"Hi guys!" The blonde presenter, Mel, waved. "So since the weathers fucking _shit_ today, we decided you could all get to meet the judges. Sue?"

The other lady came in, followed by three other people dressed in various shades of red and black. 

"So these guys are lindsey, bert and frank, theyre the judges. The bakers are, left to right, gerard, mikey, dallon, ryan, ray, gabe, patrick and pete. Once again, just call us if you need anything. Okay, bye!"

* * *

Lynz watched the two presenters leave before locking the door. She glared at the assembled bakers.

"Listen up bitches, I'm gonna tell you straight up, i'm trans and i'm pan. If any of you have got a problem with that....."

One of the other judges, the one with sunglasses, nodded _. Bert, that was it. What sort of name was bert anyway???? it wouldve been stupid if the dude wasn't so pretty, in a greasy emo sorta way._

* * *

"Lynz, you've terrified them." chuckled the third guy, who was covered in tattoos. "Anyway, look at them. No way these people are cishet."

Lynz raised an eyebrow.

"Nah dude he's got a point."

Everyone turned to face the speaker.

"I'm ray, and as far as i know, none of us are queerphobic. Like, I only met them yesterday, sure, but still. I like to think I'm a pretty decent judge of character."

Bert nodded, then whispered something to Tattoo Guy, who then clicked his knuckles before speaking.

"Hey fuckers, I'm frank, anyone got pronouns we should, like, know? uhhhh fuck i cant explain shit but you get it, right?"

"Pete uses he/it, gee uses he/they, I use anything, imma pronoun slut, and the other bastards use he/him i think" said gabe.

Bert nodded at gerard. "Nice to have another he/they here." he said and then he fucking _winked_.

"Dude thats a fucking awful attempt at flirting" Ryan pointed out.

"Yeah but it worked." On cue, everyone turned to look at gerard who was becoming increasingly panicked. 

"hey. you good?" asked Middle Class Dude dallon.

"Y-yeah."

Mikey gave them A Look. They attempted a small smile. 

"Hey. Dude with the misfits top? You wanna come look at the ducks?" Tattoo Guy- and if he liked that sort of music, Gerard would really have to learn his name- beckoned him over. "Linds, gimmie 10?" 

"yeah k frank. Now uh ray was it? Why dont you, i dont know, tell us about what you do other than baking and uh- oh fuck off bert we all know you suck at small talk as well...."

* * *

Frank- and what sort of name was that???- smiled and they both walked out of the tent and towards the pond.

They stood there for a while, watching the birds or, in gerards case, attempting to calm down.

* * *

"So. Misfits guy. Favourite song?"

"Probably dig up her bones?"

"Ooh nice"

"You?"

"Hm...i'd say Friday 13th."

They wrinkled their nose. "Really??"

Tattoo Guy, Frank, laughed. "It's a good song!"

" _Dude_."

"Whaaaaaat??"

"fucker"

"yep"

"idiot"

"harsh but true"

"I can't win, can i?"

"Never!"

They probably would've continued bickering for hours, if ryan hadnt yelled at them to come back in.

"Wanna get lunch tomorrow?"

"I'll have to check what mikeys doing but sure."

"Cool, just hit me up"

* * *

_He did it. They (sort of) made a proper friend who wasn't their younger brother! This was fucking_ brilliant _. mikey would be so proud!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed, its 5am and i need to go to sleep so no long notes here but uhhh pls comment and kudos?


	3. Cake Week Day 1

“Hello, bakers, and welcome to cake week! For your signature challenge we would like you to make a basic fruit cake. The fruit can be any type, the cake any shape. The only rules are it must be a fruit cake and it must be able to feed 10 people. You have one and a half hours.”

“Ready-”

“Steady-”

“Bake!”

* * *

“Bloody hell that was stressful.” 

Ray, Gerard, Mikey and Frank were lying on the slightly damp grass outside, making the most of the weak summer sun. Ryan and bert had gone to get lunch; dallon was on the phone to his partner; lynz and gabe had buggered off to god knows where, and pete and patrick were probably putting the store room to good use. 

Frank glanced at Ray. “If you think that was hard, just wait until you do the other two challenges.”

“Fuck off iero”

“Im just _saying_!”

Ray rolled his eyes. “Its homophobic that the first challenge was something so disgusting”

“Dude you just have no taste.”

“Its because hes a-” frank leaned closer, talking in an exaggerated stage whisper. He had a shit eating grin on his face. “-hes a straight dude”

On cue all three of them drew back. Mikey hissed.

_“Dude.”_

Gerard thought. “Sorry ray, but if anyone was gonna be straight here, it would be you.”

“What why???”

“Well,” Said Mikey, “Look at us. Gerard lowkey looks like a goth chick- in the nicest way possible, of course-, frank looks like a 4 foot lesbian and i dress like a member of abba if abba was emo.”

Ray paused. “No, thats fair. M still offended franklin.” He was smiling though, so that was alright.

“I’M NOT 4 FOOT”

Everyone turned to look at frank, who had stood up. With his arms crossed, and faux- annoyed expression, he looked like a toddler.

“Bitch. Please. You're tiny.”

“I’m sorry guys, linds has spoken, you are indeed a Small Bean.” said Gerard, who was attempting to hold back their laughter at Frank's expression. Ray had no such reservations, and started cackling maniacally. Mikey just smirked like the little shit he was. 

“Uh sorry to interrupt but were airing in 10.” said one of the camera people, a orange-haired lady called Hayley. 

“Cool, thanks honey” Frank said, winking at her. 

“Bro im a lesbian but uhhh nice try?” She grinned, watching franks shocked expression with as much amusement as the other four.

The exchange set ray off again, and he proceeded to hysterically laugh, which in turn set off gerard, mikey and lynz. That's how Dallon found them, all lying on the floor cackling madly whilst one of the techies watched with a shit eating smile. He stared for a full minute, before running off to get bert, in hope that they would understand what the fuck was going on.

He wasn’t hopeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm have this chapter bitches. its kinda short (ok v short) but still. any comments and kudos are amazing!


	4. Cake Week Day 2- P1

“For the showstopper challenge we want you to create a two tiered cake with a surprise, or a hidden filling. The prompt, if you like, is ‘based on a song associated with childhood’. “

”You have three hours.“

“Ready-”

“Steady-”

“Bake!”

* * *

Mel and Sue went to the back of the room, presumably to sort something out with the tech crew. In the corner of his eye, Mikey surveyed his competitors. In front of him, pete and patrick were measuring the ingredients. Across the room, dallon and ryan were doing the same. Gabe, whilst gesturing wildly, was talking to bert and lynz. Ray occasionally chimed in, preferring to focus on chopping what appeared to be fresh red chillies, (and, of course, dissuading frank from eating them whole).

He turned his attention to Gerard, who had been re reading the notes they had written last night. 

“I’ll start making the chocolate sponges, if you can start on the biscuit dough?”

“Sure dude, just remind me what flavour they are gonna be?”

“Uh” Mikey squinted at the scrawled annotations on the drawing. “Go with orange, play it safe.”

“Kay thanks”

* * *

Mikey loved this bit. Oh yeah, sure, he enjoyed all of it, but making the basic cakes was probably his favourite bit. It was calming, repetitive, so familiar he could do it with his eyes closed. He didn’t have to  _ think  _ about it, didn’t have to think at all- it gave his mind a break, in the same way drugs and alcohol did, except this time the consequences were less severe. 

In a way, he complimented gerard perfectly. His sibling preferred decorating, the artist within them coming out as he created increasingly more elaborate and theatrical designs. 

That, and the fact that they had a weird sort of telepathy where they could understand each other without words, was part of what made them such a good team. Not to mention how undeniably skilled they were.

* * *

“So, Gerard, Mikey, tell us about your cake?”

Lynz and bert had come over, frank having disappeared earlier to get some coffee. 

Ordinarily, even the idea of talking to people about something he cared about this much would have sent gerard into a full on breakdown. However, whether it was the fact he had made actual friends who weren’t his brother, the fact that he was on the best baking show in the country, or, as mikey claimed, the fact that they were actually getting better, they managed to hold it together.

“So our cake is a dark chocolate sponge with orange flavoured biscuits and buttercream and uh. Its inspired by the song dig up her bones by misfits, which me and mikey used to listen to a lot as kids. It uh is basically a graveyard and is uh filled with things like gummy worms and coloured white chocolate to represent blood. Uh. yeah. ”

“Interesting. And what sort of biscuits did you say you were doing, sorry?”

Mikey, noticing his siblings hands were now shaking, took over.

“So after experimenting with various recipes, we decided to go with a basic recipe, slightly altered to accommodate caramel.”

He answered a few more questions before the two went off to find frank, who had probably got held up by fans.

* * *

“Right what next?” Gerard asked. The biscuits were cooling, the cakes were in the fridge and the white chocolate was slowly melting in a bain marie.

“Your on the fondant angel, the sugar flames, and the burning rose. I’m on the gummy worms, chocolate blood and gravestones. That okay? ”

“Yeah sure. Wait did you get the lyrics?”

“Oh yeah. Wait what if i wrote them in chocolate?”

“Oh fuck yeah thats a great idea”

“Thanks! Oh and um. You know im proud of you right? For everything, but talking to bert and linds earlier- and actually to frank and ray as well… thats amazing.”

“Thanks mikes. Means a lot”

“I know”

Mikey left his words hang in the air for a few seconds before clapping his hands. “Better get started, then”

“Yeah.”

It didn’t escape his notice that Gerard was smiling, the small content smile they only really showed when they were in private. He grinned. Doing this competition was going to be better than he first thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp here you are. comments and kudos pls?


	5. Cake Week Day 2- P2

“And your time….is...up! Bakers please step away from your cakes.”

* * *

Reluctantly, the two sat down, doing their best not to focus on all the imperfections the cake had. It felt just like being back in school, a period of their lives they both despised.

* * *

“Pete and patrick, please bring your cake to the front.”

The two exhausted looking bakers carried a frankly amazing cake to the front. Using fondant, buttercream and leftover sponge, it had been made to look like a wolfs head. They carefully put it down before stepping back.

“Our cake was inspired by the duran duran song Hungry Like The Wolf. It’s made of strawberry sponge and buttercream, and contains a surprise of cherry liqueur truffles. ” Said pete, smiling nervously.

Frank nodded. “Can I just say, first of all, this cake looks amazing. The amount of detail- I mean, you can see the fur and the eyes- ”

“Sorry who did the eyes?” Bert interrupted.

“Uhh I did.” patrick looked terrified.

“Mate, these eyes are another thing entirely. They are, if i’m totally honest, the second prettiest thing i've seen for a while.”

Frank raised an eyebrow, grinning. “Second?”

Bert smirked and winked at gerard. Everyone started laughing, or, in the case of the little shit known as frank iero, wolf whistling. 

After the noise died down, Lynz cut into the cake. Strawberry laces fell out. “A nice, albeit macabre, touch.” 

The three silently proceeded to taste the cake. 

“The texture of the buttercream is good, but i’m not so sure about the sponge.” Said Frank.

Lynz chimed in. “Yeah, the strawberry flavour is overwhelming and whilst strawberry sponge is a creative idea, its not really that nice anyway, least of all when paired with strawberry buttercream” 

“The ideas good, and the design is fucking  _ incredible _ , but the cake itself is dense and, i’ll be totally honest, almost inedible. The cherry liquor truffles are surprisingly nice, although they clash with the other flavours. Good attempt though guys.” Bert finished, nodding to pete and patrick, the latter of whom looked close to tears.

“Next please”

* * *

“Gerard and Mikey, please bring your cake up to the judges.”

Gerard jumped slightly, cursing under his breath. They must have zoned out because they couldn’t remember a word of what had been said between pete and patricks turn and now. Asking Mikey would be no use either- he had the strange and often irritating habit of randomly napping in the middle of conversations, the primary reason he wore sunglasses everywhere.

Slowly, the two siblings bought their cake to the table and stood back to view it in its full glory. 

The cake was decorated to look like an overgrown, abandoned graveyard, complete with gravestones, dark green ivy and a toppled angel statue. In the centre was a fondant rose, surrounded by sugar ‘flames’. The lyrics were written in looping font across the cake board. 

Mikey pocketed his sunglasses before talking. 

“So this is a dark chocolate cake, with chocolate orange buttercream and topped with orange biscuits. Its based on the song dig up her bones by misfits and the central decoration is based specifically on the lyrics ‘And death climbs up the steps one by one/To give you the rose that's been burnt by her son’.”

“And the filling?”

Gerard answered this time. “Gummy worms and white chocolate coloured red to give the effect of blood. Um. yeah. ”

Lynz nodded. “Can i just say, i really like the design of this cake. At a first glance it looks relatively simple but the small details- like, for example, the footprints in the corner here, or the blood stains here and here- really make it.”

“And also, the burning rose- sugar flames are really hard to get right, so thats amazing.”

Bet shook his head. “Whilst i do like it, its a little cluttered for my taste. Theres a lot going on, almost too much going on, i just feel like some of the details could have been cut. Anyway, lets try it.”

White- well, in this case, red- chocolate spilled out of the centre, carrying ‘blood’ covered bits of worm. Frank smiled. “Gruesome. I love it.”

The silence as they ate was nerve racking.

“I… i like this. The cake is moist, and the buttercream is really smooth.”

“Hm berts right. And, may i add, the biscuits are great as well.”

“Yeah, I think my only problem is the flavours. Theyre quite overwhelming, especially the sheer amount of chocolate in it.”

Bert laughed.”Don’t listen to lynz there is no such thing as too much chocolate in this world. But i do agree, you probably need to work on balancing the flavours. Overall, though, its a great cake.”

_Holy shit._ They couldn’t stop themself looking at mikey, who was wearing an almost identical grin.

* * *

They spent a few hours with the guys, trying each others cake, attempting to console patrick and pete, and just generally fucking around. By the time they got back to the accommodation the bbc had provided, the adrenaline still hadn’t worn off, and so, after several rounds of karaoke ( _including a memorable performance of bonnie tylers total eclipse of the heart that mikey filmed to show frank later )_ they finally went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha bitches three chapters in one day. pls comment and kudos!!!!


	6. imma majorly self project onto gerard more than before so you get to see me work through shit in under 400 words (feel free to skip)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for implied suicide/self harm but like only a v little bit it could be interpreted as other things 
> 
> this chapter isnt necessary to the plot btw so feel free to skip its mostly just self projection to cope lol
> 
> also this takes place 3-4 days after the last chapter lol

"We need to talk."

Gerard didnt bother to look up.

He could picture his brother perfectly- arms crossed, back straight, mouth slightly twisted. Eyes a mixture of concern and disappointment and fucking pity.

Instead they continued sketching their designs for the upcoming showstopper challenge.

"Gerard. Gerard. Gerard, just fucking listen to me"

Slowly and defiantly, he put down his notebook and looked up. They knew they were being difficult, that mikey just wanted to help, but they couldnt find it in themselves to care. In fact, a part of him was delighted when he saw how annoyed his brother was.

"Okay. Thank you. Now. What the actual fuck is this? "

Oh. Oh shit. That.

Mikey was holding up some of the designs hed done last night. One was a drawing of an arm, raising a bleeding heart out of a burning photograph. Another, in graphic detail, showed a blood soaked knife, broken in two, atop a coffin. A third depicted a broken bottle, spilling pills onto a tiled floor.

Gerard froze.

Their brother softened slightly when he saw the panic in their eyes.

"It got bad again, didn't it?"

He nodded.

"Did you...?"

Gerard shook their head furiously. "No! I mean. No. I would never."

A pause, and then-

"Can you blame me for worrying?"

That was the problem though, wasn't it? As much as he wanted to, he couldn't blame mikey for worrying. Couldn't blame him for the over protectiveness, or the constant checking in. Had the positions been reversed, they would've done the same.

"I'm trying. I'm trying to get better."

"I know. And I'm proud of you. You're doing so much better, ya know?"

"Its just so fucking hard sometimes."

"Yeah..."

Mikey pretend not to see Gerard not-so-subtly wipe his eyes.

"Hey. You wanna go drown your sorrows with caramel popcorn and Beetlejuice?"

"Fuck yeah. And uh.Thanks Mikey"

"Anytime. Now. Last one down has to make the drinks!"

"Oh you fucking GREMLIN I SWEAR-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> therapys expensive but fanfics free lol
> 
> welp gerard is my self projection character as i too have am having a Bad Night (suicidal shit and sensory overloads would not reccomend)


End file.
